Crazy Jane 👑
Co-Guide • The Brit • Keeper of the Teacup
"Nobody expects a British tour guide in Alabama."
🇬🇧 CERTIFIED ECCENTRIC
Co-Guide • The Brit • Keeper of the Teacup
"Nobody expects a British tour guide in Alabama."
Whereas it has come to the attention of the Tootles Tours Management (Ella) that one British subject, known hereafter as "Crazy Jane" or simply "The Brit," has been found wandering the historic streets of Montgomery, Alabama in full chain mail, dispensing unsolicited history lessons and offering tea to strangers —
It has been decreed that she shall be permitted to co-guide tours, provided she promises not to attempt to reclaim the colonies.
She has made no such promise.
Has never once encountered a situation that couldn't be improved by offering someone a cuppa. Carries bone china on her person at all times. Yes, even in chain mail.
Arrives to every tour in authentic chain mail and armor. Nobody has asked why. Nobody dares. The rubber duck on her shoulder is non-negotiable.
Offers an invaluable "other side of the story" on American independence. Spoiler: she's still not entirely over it. The Union Jack cape is not ironic.
Official title, self-appointed. The duck has a name. The duck has a backstory. The duck has seen things. You will hear about all of it.
"I thought the chain mail was a costume. It is not a costume. It is a lifestyle."
— A fourth grader, visibly shaken but educated"She told us the British version of the Boston Tea Party and honestly? Valid points were made."
— A teacher who asked not to be identified"Jane showed up in armor and Ella didn't even flinch. I think this happens regularly."
— A bus driver, first day on the route"She offered my entire class tea from an actual teapot she had strapped to her breastplate. The children loved it. I have questions."
— A school coordinator, filing no formal complaintOne's a 70-year-old Southern charmer who makes history feel like a front-porch conversation. The other is a British eccentric in chain mail who hasn't fully accepted 1776.
Together, they are the most entertaining thing to happen to Montgomery since... well, ever.
"We don't agree on everything. We agree on the important stuff. Like: history should never be boring, kids deserve better than a worksheet, and tea solves most problems."